When They Wish
by When In Doubt Smile
Summary: Sometimes every person in every faction wishes. They all wish that they were different. That they were better. That they could go back in time. But they never get what they wish for. (Or all the wishes people around the time of Eric's execution in "Insurgent".)


**Disclaimer: Divergent belongs to Veronica Roth in all her awesomeness.**

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When They Wish

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Sometimes every person in every faction wishes. They wish for all sorts of things and their voices reach out and beg to be heard by someone, anyone. When they wish, the universe looks at them with tears in her eyes and wishes she could give them everything they ask for but knows that, for their own good, the things they wish for can never be given to them. But still they hope.

* * *

Sometimes Tris wishes she could go back. She doesn't let those thoughts enter her mind often (it's selfish to let her mind dwell on impossible wishes), but when she does they flood her mind until she is left lying on her bed, her face buried in her pillow, sobbing until there are no tears left. Sometimes Tris wishes she could just be Beatrice Prior. She wishes she could go back to a time when she didn't have to be brave, when others could be brave and selfless for her. She wishes she could lift all these burdens off her back and smile again without tears threatening to fill her eyes. Some days, when these wishes and thoughts become too much for her to handle, she will throw things and scream. Because, if she is really honest with herself, she would settle for any time but the one she is in. She would be happy with days filled with honest work in the service of other. She would settle for the days before the Choosing Ceremony, filled with indecision and guilt as they were. She would be thrilled to go back to the first days of her training to be Dauntless. Not a single complaint would escape her lips if she could go back to the day of Al's funeral. She would smile until her face hurt if she could live in the lunches spent with her new Dauntless friends.

_Any day,_ she pleads with the universe. _Please, any day but today._

The universe always responds the same way: _No._

* * *

Sometimes Tobias wishes he was a better listener. Looking back at all the decisions he has made over his life, he realizes that every moment he has ever regretted, every second that has brought tears to his eyes, could have been avoided by simply listening better. If he had just listened to Evelyn back when he called her "Mother", she may have never left him. If he had just listened to Amar, he might have been ready for the changes that would soon overwhelm the Dauntless. If he had listened to Marcus, no matter how much he hated him, Tobias might have avoided being forced to make this unlikely alliance between the remains of the Dauntless and the factionless. If he had just listened to Tris he might not be looking into her face with the knowledge deep inside his heart that she would give anything to just be able to close her eyes and sleep. If he had just listened to his heart, he might not be here at all.

_Help me, _he begs the universe on hands and knees. _Help me to hear them._

The universe always responds the same way: _No._

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Sometimes Christina wishes she had kissed Will sooner. It was amazing when it happened and Christina had never been happier than she was when she was around Will after. It is because of that feeling that she wishes more than anything that she had kissed him earlier. Or maybe she wishes she hadn't kissed him at all. Maybe it would have been better to have never truly known the happiness that could be achieved so that she wouldn't miss it when Will died. When Christina finds herself wishing for Will and the happiness in her life that he had represented, she locks herself in her room until it passes. Christina knows for a fact that if she leaves her room she will see Tris and their hard-earned friendship will crumble under the pressure of Christina's sorrow and Tris's guilt. So in an act of unbelievable selflessness, Christina locks her door and cries until she can no longer remember the feeling of Will's lips on hers and his hand in her hair.

_Please_, she whispers into thin air. _Let me kiss him once more._

The universe always responds the same way: _No._

* * *

Sometimes Caleb wishes he had been as selfless as his sister. He knows that if he had just been as good as everyone thought he was, none of the events that led up to the death of hundreds of Abnegation and a full-scale war between the remaining factions could have happened. But as soon as those thoughts enter his mind, Caleb quashes them with cold rationale, reminding himself that he is a single person who could have never changed such large events. Those thoughts never last long though. His parents raised him too well; he can never get rid of the urge to take the guilt of others and call it his own so as to free them from suffering. He knows, with every fiber of his being, that he could have prevented much of the horror that has occurred since the Choosing Ceremony. That knowledge pains him because if he still wants to take the guilt of others so that they don't suffer when he knows full well that the guilt is theirs and theirs alone, then he can be neither Abnegation nor Erudite. Caleb knows that he belongs nowhere. If only he had been able to forget himself and serve others without reserve, none of it, none of the destruction, none of the tears, none of the death, would have happened.

_Selfless, _he sobs on his knees. _Make me selfless._

The universe always responds the same way: _No._

* * *

Sometimes Peter wishes he could see the world the same way everyone else does. He wishes he didn't always see the debts and favors that people have. Peter knows that everyone else sees people with personalities and imperfections. He sees people and all that they can do for him and all that he owes them. Everyone else is free of the weight that comes with knowing that you owe someone. They can see each other clearly, as people, regardless of how much they owe each other. Not Peter. All he sees is what he owes the Stiff, Tris. All he sees is how much Four owes him. But the worst part is that he knows he will never be free of his way of seeing the world. He will never be able to love someone because he will be waiting for the moment when they ask him to repay him for whatever favors they have given him. So it is with a broken heart that Peter decides to push forward and forget ever seeing the world the way others do, and makes a commitment to use everyone to his advantage.

_Sight_, the hidden part of his heart whispers. _Give me sight._

The universe always responds the same way: _No._

* * *

Sometimes Uriah wishes he had chosen a different faction. He doesn't make the wish often, but when he does, it feels like someone has punched him in the stomach. He will sit on his bed for hours, weighing the pros and cons of staying in Dauntless. The cons always outweigh the pros. He has friends and family with Dauntless, but he knows that he could make friends anywhere. The only thing that would be irreplaceable would be his family. He wouldn't have been able to see them if he had chosen a different faction. But Uriah lives with the belief that he would be the only one who would truly regret that. His family would have Zeke to love and cherish. They would lose nothing in him leaving. Uriah knows that his family loves him, but sometimes it is easier to believe that they don't so that he doesn't feel guilt when he thinks about leaving them. So it is with a lie in his heart that Uriah wishes that he had chosen a different path.

_A different faction, _he begs with the belief that no one loves him. _Let me choose a different faction._

The universe always responds the same way: _No._

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Sometimes Marcus wishes he had been kinder to his son. It's an instinctual wish, one that he doesn't really think about. The wish just sort of slips into his mind most of the time. It throws him off because he doesn't feel any regret for his actions, so it makes no sense that he would wish he could undo them. But the wish, when it comes, leaves him shaking and second-guessing every choice he makes. It leaves him listening to the sound of his son's screams. It leaves him in the closet where he used to lock up his son, wondering how Tobias managed to never cry once he got older.

_Kinder,_ Marcus wishes with no regret in his heart. _Make me kinder._

The universe always responds the same way: _No._

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Sometimes Evelyn wishes she had never been married. Actually, she wishes it almost everyday. Only with the return of her son and the promise of revenge and the fulfillment of one of her life-long goals does Evelyn find herself no longer wishing that she had never even met Marcus Eaton. It is odd, really, that the child that was her only tie to her husband is the man who makes her forget her hatred of Marcus. Evelyn isn't quite sure whether she should thank Tobias for freeing her from her constant wishing or if she should hate him for being part of the reason that she was placed in a situation where she would need to wish. It breaks her heart and leaves her confused. But her contentment doesn't last long, and after a few days of no wishing she has to skip two days worth of meals and she remembers the man that made her starve.

_Freedom, _Evelyn wishes as she looks at the blueprints of the Erudite headquarters. _Make me free of Marcus Eaton._

The universe always responds the same way: _No._

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Sometimes Jeanine wishes she wasn't quite so sure. She wishes with her whole heart that she wasn't so certain of herself, that she wasn't so calm in her knowledge that she was doing the right thing. It would be easier if she had doubt, Jeanine thinks. If she wasn't sure about killing the Abnegation she would have felt more pride in the knowledge that she had done the right thing. But instead of pride she felt emptiness because she has always known that she was doing the right thing. She hadn't overcome any obstacles, fought any fights. She had just walked the path she knew needed to be walked. There is no challenge if you are sure of yourself. Jeanine craves challenge more than anything.

_Uncertainty, _Jeanine begs in the small part of her heart. _Give me uncertainty._

The universe always responds the same way: _No._

* * *

Sometimes Eric wishes that he had pushed Four into the chasm in the Dauntless compound. It would have simplified his whole life. There would have been no jealousy. No hate. He never would have had to work to impress anyone. But, no. Four had to live. He had to haunt every moment of Eric's life. He had to be so perfect. As long as there was someone better around no one noticed Eric. As long as everyone remembered that there was someone with four fears out there he would never be congratulated on only having eight. Why would anyone want perfection when there is something better out there? Eric was perfect, he knew it with his whole heart. But he also knew that Four was better and it destroyed him. If only he had pushed him into the water of the chasm, ended the golden boy's life when he could have, everything would have been better. Looking down the barrel of a gun, hearing the voice of Four's divergent girlfriend as she recites his crimes, Eric wishes with every fiber of his quivering being that he had killed Four when he had had the chance.

_Killed him,_ Eric thinks as Four picks up the gun. _I wish I had killed him._

The universe always responds the same way: _No._

* * *

Sometimes Lynn wished that Marlene didn't have such a nice smile. She is reminded of this wish everyday, every time Marlene smiles. It would make it easier to let her go if she didn't have a smile that lifted the hearts of everyone who saw it. If Marlene wasn't so intrinsically _good_, Lynn would have been able to just ignore her and write her off as just another friend, if not another inconsequential girl. It would have been as easy as winning a fight, as shaving her head to remind people that she is a threat. As Lynn sits in her room pretending to be sleeping as Uriah and Marlene talk and laugh and kiss, she wishes harder than she has ever wished.

_Such a smile, _she wishes, fighting back the coming tears. _I wish she didn't have such a nice smile._

The universe always responds the same way: _No._

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Sometimes Tori wishes that she wasn't so good at art. Because here she is day after day helping people express themselves through tattoos and she can't express the feelings in herself. She can remind someone of the feelings of being in love by drawing a heart on their chest. She can bind two friends together forever by writing an inside joke on their arms. She can help people remember to be better than they are by putting the symbol of their faction on their back. She can help someone fight back their fear by engraving it on their shoulder. Tori can do all of these things to help people free themselves of their emotions, but she can release none of her own. She cannot remind herself of home, she cannot fall in love, she cannot conquer her fears. She cannot bring Jonathon back to life. Tori can draw anything, but she cannot do what she wishes she could do most, so she begs the universe to take the burden of art from her.

_So good, _Tori cries out. _I wish I wasn't so good at art._

The universe always responds the same way: _No._

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Sometimes Marlene wishes she wasn't so optimistic. Everyone gives her odd looks when she declares that everything will be better no matter what the circumstances. Marlene hates that look. It makes her feel like she is alone, like no one else can see the light at the end of the tunnel. But it also makes her feel guilty. When the world around Marlene crumbles she can still remember that things will get better. Not everyone can. So many people can't remember that, can't see the good that lies ahead. What is the point of having such a wonderful gift if she can't share it with others? So it is with a firm belief that someone will hear her that Marlene wishes she could be a pessimist.

_Optimistic, _Marlene wishes, knowing that good will come. _I wish I wasn't so optimistic._

The universe always responds the same way: _No._

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Sometimes Johanna wishes she was prettier. It is a selfish wish, but she justifies it by saying that if she were prettier others would be happier. People are happier when they see beautiful things, she tells herself. But her insides twist with guilt and she knows, deep down, that she is lying to herself, just as she knows that she is lying when she says that she doesn't wish to be the leader of the Amity. She hears the voice of Tris Prior, telling her that she is already beautiful and that she should show off her beauty, scar or no scar, and Johanna wishes that the girl hadn't been under the influence of the peace serum when she had said that.

_Prettier, _Johanna mummers to the universe. _I wish I was prettier._

The universe always responds the same way: _No._

* * *

Sometimes Shauna wishes she hadn't been quite so brave. Resting in a hospital after hearing that she may be paralyzed from the waist down, Shauna wishes with all her heart that she wasn't so brave. It's not the first time she has made the wish, but it is the time where she means it the most. If she hadn't been so brave someone else would have gone to listen in on the meeting and she would be up and walking around. She would probably be at Eric's trial, standing by Zeke and Four, glaring daggers at Eric. Instead she is lying in a hospital bed. Zeke is standing next to her, but it's not the same. They are probably listing Eric's crimes right now, she thinks and it makes her angry because she has so many she would like to mention. And she can't because she was too brave.

_So brave, _Shauna begs the universe. _I wish I wasn't so brave._

The universe always responds the same way: _No._

* * *

Sometimes Zeke wishes that he were weak. It seems like a stupid wish and the first time it crossed his mind he was taken aback for a second, wondering where such an idea had come from. He was born Dauntless and Dauntless were taught that strength was second only to bravery. So Zeke brushed the thought off and found glory and joy in his strength. The second time the thought crossed his mind was when he heard the new about Shauna. She might not be able to walk. She will have to use a wheelchair for the rest of her life. Those words swirl around his mind for hours and he comes to the only conclusion there is. He will just have to push her. He's strong enough after all. But then comes the knowledge that she would never let him push her and it breaks his heart. What is his strength good for if not for helping those he loves? But they are strong too, so they won't ever let him help them.

_Weak, _Zeke wishes when no one is watching. _I wish I were weak. _

The universe always responds the same way: _No._

* * *

The universe breaks with the weight of all the wishes of the broken people that are hers to protect. She wishes with all her heart that she could help them, but she knows that she can only give them so much and if she were to make them weaker or less talented or better listeners, she would not be able to give them what they will need so very soon.

The universe can see far and wide and she can see the battle that is coming. The universe knows what they will need so very soon.

And that is why the universe always responds the same way: _No._

* * *

Sometimes the broken souls in the universe wish for the same thing and the universe groans under the weight of all the wishes. They don't wish to go back in time. They don't wish they could have been braver. They don't wish they could have changed the past. They don't wish that they hadn't been so selfish. No, they don't wish for such petty things as those. They are smarter than that. They know that if they were to wish for those things their wishes would be wasted on temporary things. So instead they wish for the one thing that will never desert them. The one thing that can pull them through this seemingly never-ending night. They all stand and face the world and wish, wish with all their hearts, that they will be strong enough for the coming battle.

_Strong, _they all wish as they hold hands and prepare for what is coming. _Make us strong._

The universe's response makes the broken people smile with joy: _Yes._

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**__Author's Note: This is one of those stories where for the first half you absolutely love writing it and by the second half you're ready to scream. Nonetheless, I'm very happy with how it turned out. I hope the summary didn't confuse you too much, I really had no idea what to put for any of the categories for this story. Any way, thank you so much for reading and reviewing, I appreciate your selflessness in giving me some of your time.**

** Be happy today,**

** -When In Doubt, Smile**


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